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2 | The Tao of Internet Relay Chat | |
3 | Copyright (C) Ove Ruben R Olsen 1994 | |
4 | Version of 940110 | |
5 | Contributing masters: Master ScottM | |
6 | ||
7 | ----- | |
8 | Something is formed by the electrons, born in the silent cable. Shaping | |
9 | and growing and ungrowing. It is there yet not there. It is the source of | |
10 | Internet Relay Chat. I do not know the name, thus I will call it the Tao | |
11 | of Internet Relay Chat. | |
12 | ||
13 | If the Tao is great, then the IRC is running ceaselessly. If the IRC is | |
14 | great then the server is running without ever stoping. If the server is | |
15 | great then the client will always be the server. The luser is then pleased | |
16 | and there is Chat in the world. | |
17 | ||
18 | The Tao of IRC squits far away and connects on returning. | |
19 | ||
20 | ||
21 | ----- | |
22 | The genetic potential of birth, a lot to know, yet unknown. | |
23 | ||
24 | In the begining there was nothing. | |
25 | ||
26 | Out of nothing the Tao gave birth to tolsun.oulu.fi. tolsun gave birth to | |
27 | OuluBox. | |
28 | ||
29 | OuluBox gave birth to rmsg. | |
30 | ||
31 | rmsg was not Tao, so MUT gave birth to IRC. | |
32 | ||
33 | No one knows when IRC came into existance, the mighty master WiZ have it | |
34 | to be at the end of the eight month in the year of the Dragon. | |
35 | ||
36 | ||
37 | ----- | |
38 | Each channel has its purpose, however humble. Each channel is the Yin and | |
39 | Yang of IRC. Each channels has it's place within the IRC. | |
40 | ||
41 | In the beginning there was only channel 0, thus channel 0 is the soil of | |
42 | IRC. | |
43 | ||
44 | Channel 1 to channel 10 then was open as the sea. Channel 11 to 999 was the | |
45 | trees and forests of IRC. Channels above 999 should not be mentioned, and | |
46 | channels below 0 were unborn and contained many secrets. | |
47 | ||
48 | This was not the right Tao, so IRC gave birth to +channels. | |
49 | ||
50 | +channels had the yin and yang. Mode does not. | |
51 | ||
52 | This was not the right Tao still, so IRC gave birth to #channels. | |
53 | ||
54 | #channels have the yin and yang. | |
55 | ||
56 | Only channel 0 is the right path to Tao, but avoid speaking on channel 0. | |
57 | ||
58 | ||
59 | ----- | |
60 | There was a great dispute among the Broom-Walkers of the Relay. Some of them | |
61 | wanted neither yin nor yang. Out of this Eris came into existance. Some of the | |
62 | Broom-Walkers then created Eris Free-net. | |
63 | ||
64 | This was the right Tao. | |
65 | ||
66 | Kind Gentle and Boring Net was another wrong path to the Tao of Internet Relay | |
67 | Chat. | |
68 | ||
69 | Some time later there was a quantity of some lusers who wanted to be | |
70 | Broom-Walkers also. The Eris Free Broom-Walkers did not agree with them, | |
71 | thus a new IRC was born. This IRC is called the Undernet. | |
72 | ||
73 | But this is not the right Tao, either. | |
74 | ||
75 | ||
76 | ----- | |
77 | There will always be disputes among the Broom-Walkers of Internet Relay Chat. | |
78 | ||
79 | This is the very nature of the IRC. | |
80 | ||
81 | ||
82 | ----- | |
83 | Lusers that do not understand the Tao is always using the yang of Mode on | |
84 | their channels. Lusers that do understand the Tao are always using Ignore | |
85 | on their channels. | |
86 | ||
87 | How could this not be so ? | |
88 | ||
89 | ||
90 | ----- | |
91 | The wise sage luser is told about the Chat and uses it. The luser is told | |
92 | about the IRC and is looking for it. The flock are told about the Tao and | |
93 | make a fool of the IRC. | |
94 | ||
95 | If there was no laughter, there would be no Tao. | |
96 | ||
97 | ||
98 | ----- | |
99 | The master says: | |
100 | "Without the Tao of Internet Relay Chat, life becomes meaningless." | |
101 | ||
102 | The Relay of the old time was mysterious and sacred. We can neither imagine | |
103 | its thoughts nor path; we are left but to describe. | |
104 | ||
105 | ||
106 | ----- | |
107 | The sage luser must be aware like a frog crossing the highway. | |
108 | ||
109 | ||
110 | ----- | |
111 | The great master Wumpus once dreamed that he was an automaton. When he awoke | |
112 | he exclaimed: | |
113 | "I don't know whether I am Wumpus dreaming that I am a client, | |
114 | or a client dreaming that I am Wumpus!" | |
115 | ||
116 | So was the first Automata born. | |
117 | ||
118 | The master Nap then said: | |
119 | "Any automata should not speak unless spoken to. | |
120 | Any automata shall only whisper when spoken to." | |
121 | ||
122 | Thus replied the master Gnarfer: | |
123 | "The lusers shall keep in mind that a automata can be either good or | |
124 | bad. Create good automata, and the IRC will hail you and you will | |
125 | gain fame and fortune. Create bad automata and people will start to | |
126 | hate you, and finaly you will be /KILLed to ethernal damnation" | |
127 | ||
128 | Many lusers have fallen into the clutches of ethernal damnation. They where | |
129 | not following the Tao. | |
130 | ||
131 | ||
132 | ----- | |
133 | There once was a luser who went to #BotSex. Each day he saw the automatons. | |
134 | The luser decided that he also would have such a automata. | |
135 | He asked another luser for his automata. The other luser gave his automata | |
136 | away. | |
137 | ||
138 | The luser was not within the Tao, so he just started the automata. The automata | |
139 | had only Yang inside so all the lusers files where deleted. | |
140 | ||
141 | Some moons laither the same luser then had become a sage luser, and did create | |
142 | his automata from the very grounds with materials found inside the IRC. | |
143 | The luser was now within the Tao and his automata lived happily ever after. | |
144 | ||
145 | ||
146 | ----- | |
147 | There once was a master who wrote automatons without the help of master Phone. | |
148 | A novice luser, seeking to imitate him, began with the help of master Phone. | |
149 | When the novice luser asked the master to evaluate his automata the master | |
150 | replied: "What is a working automata for the master is not for the luser. | |
151 | You must must BE the IRC before automating." | |
152 | ||
153 | ||
154 | ----- | |
155 | Master BigCheese gave birth to master Troy; his duty clear. Master Troy gave | |
156 | birth to master Phone, for the Tao of Irc must be eternal and must flow as the | |
157 | ceaseless river of Time itself. | |
158 | ||
159 | ||
160 | ----- | |
161 | Master Phone once said about the ircII client: | |
162 | "public_msg is for a message from someone NOT on the channel | |
163 | public_other is for a message on a channel that doesn't belong to | |
164 | a window. public is for a message on a channel that belongs to a | |
165 | window!" | |
166 | ||
167 | Out of this raised the mighty chaos. | |
168 | ||
169 | ||
170 | ----- | |
171 | The sage luser came to the master who wrote automata without the help of | |
172 | master Phone. The sage luser asked the master who wrote automata: "Which is | |
173 | easiest to make. A automata with the help of master Phone or an automata | |
174 | made with the help of a language ?" | |
175 | ||
176 | The master who wrote automata then replied: | |
177 | "With the help of a language." | |
178 | ||
179 | The sage luser was disapointed and exclaimed: "But, with master Phone you | |
180 | do not need to know anything about the soil of IRC. Is not that the easiet | |
181 | way ?" | |
182 | ||
183 | "Not really" said the master who wrote automata, "when using master Phone | |
184 | you are closed inside a box. For sure, it is a great box for the lusers, | |
185 | but the master will need more power, thus a language is the only path to go. | |
186 | With the language the master will never have to limit himself. When using | |
187 | such a language the master will seek the best between the need and the | |
188 | availibility." | |
189 | ||
190 | "I see", said the sage luser. | |
191 | ||
192 | This is the essence of Tao of IRC automatas. | |
193 | ||
194 | ||
195 | ----- | |
196 | A client should be light and be used for communication. The spirit of a good | |
197 | client is that it should be very convinient for the luser to use, but hard | |
198 | for the luser who want to create automata. | |
199 | There should never ever be too many functions or too few functions. | |
200 | ||
201 | There should always be a ignore. | |
202 | ||
203 | Without ignore the client is not within the Tao of Chating. | |
204 | ||
205 | The client should always respond the luser with messages that will not | |
206 | astnonish him too much. The server likewise. If the server does not, then it | |
207 | is the clients job to explain what the server says. | |
208 | ||
209 | A client which fails this, will be useless and cause confusion for the lusers. | |
210 | The only way to correct this is to use another client or to write a new one. | |
211 | ||
212 | ||
213 | ----- | |
214 | A luser asked the masters on #IrcHelp: "My client does not work". | |
215 | The masters replied: "Upgrade your client". | |
216 | The luser then wondered why the master knew. The master then told him about | |
217 | the Protocol. | |
218 | ||
219 | "Your client does not work beaucse it does not understand the server. Why | |
220 | should it always work ? Only a fool would expect such. But, clients are made | |
221 | by humans, and humans are not perfect. Only Tao is. | |
222 | ||
223 | The IRC is solid. The IRC is floating, and will always be dynamic. Live with | |
224 | that or /quit." | |
225 | ||
226 | ||
227 | ----- | |
228 | The luser came to the masters of #IrcHelp, asking about the Tao of IRC within | |
229 | the client. | |
230 | The masters then said that the Tao of IRC always lies inside the client | |
231 | regardless of how the client connects to the server. | |
232 | ||
233 | "Is the Tao in irc ?" asked the luser. | |
234 | "It so is" replied the masters of #IrcHelp. | |
235 | "Is the Tao in the ircII, Kiwi, rxirc, vms, rockers and msa ?" asked the | |
236 | luser. | |
237 | "In all of them and in the TPC, irchat, zenirc, zircon X11-irc and even the | |
238 | dos irc has the Tao" said the master quietly. | |
239 | "Is the Tao in a telnet connection directly to the server ?" | |
240 | ||
241 | The master then was quiet for a long time and said. "Please leave, such | |
242 | questions are not within the Tao of IRC". | |
243 | ||
244 | ||
245 | ----- | |
246 | The master says: "Without the Protocol of TCP the messages will not travel. | |
247 | Without the client, the server is useless." | |
248 | ||
249 | ||
250 | ----- | |
251 | There once was a luser who used the ircII client. "ircII can do anything I | |
252 | ever need for using IRC" said the emacs client user, "I have /ON's, I have | |
253 | assignments, I have aliasing. Why don't you use this instead of the huge | |
254 | emacs client, which also has a messy screen?" | |
255 | The emacs client user then replied by saying that "it is better to have a | |
256 | scripting language that is the client instead of have a client that has | |
257 | a scripting language." Upon hearing this, the ircII client luser fell silent. | |
258 | ||
259 | ||
260 | ----- | |
261 | The master Wumpus said: "Time for you to leave. I did, now I'm happy." | |
262 | The master Gnarfer replied: "Use, but never overuse IRC, then you will also | |
263 | be happy within IRC" | |
264 | ||
265 | ||
266 | ----- | |
267 | A luser came unto the masters of #EU-Opers and asked, "How can I be, yet not | |
268 | be, a user@host within the IRC?" | |
269 | The masters of #EU-Opers replied: "To be Tao is to be ones true self. To hide | |
270 | ones self is not Tao, and is not IRC, you have much to learn before you shall | |
271 | be at rest within the Flow of Irc. Please leave" | |
272 |