Monster slap - add new variables and self slap, bump to 1.0.2

diff --git a/monster-slap/slap.kvs b/monster-slap/slap.kvs
index 60f1b3ef6edad5ff57e1066e5ab8aeebf565b2f2..d8d8f0103b6193f7cc7e50c85839f82e9633af56 100644 (file)
--- a/monster-slap/slap.kvs
+++ b/monster-slap/slap.kvs
@@ -1,55 +1,71 @@
 alias(slap)
 {
        %nick = $0
+       %self = own ass
        %name = "Monster slap"
-       %boast = "Slapping in IRC never been so much fun!\nExclusive to KVIrc!"
-       %version = "1.0.1"
-       
-       %action[0] = "sacrifices"
-       %action[1] = "slaps"
-       %action[2] = "drags"
-       %action[3] = "whips"
-       %action[4] = "caresses"
-       %a = $rand(4)
+       %version = "1.0.2"
+
+       if ($0 == self)
+       {
+               %nick = %self
+       }
+
+       %action[0] = "caresses"
+       %action[1] = "drags"
+       %action[2] = "hits"
+       %action[3] = "kicks"
+       %action[4] = "pushes"
+       %action[5] = "sacrifices"
+       %action[6] = "slaps"
+       %action[7] = "throws"
+       %action[8] = "whips"
+       %a = $rand(8)
        %vaction = %action[%a]
-       
+
        %times[0] = "once"
-       %times[1] = "twice"
-       %times[2] = "three times"
-       %times[3] = "several times"
-       %b = $rand(3)
+       %times[1] = "over and over"
+       %times[2] = "several times"
+       %times[3] = "twice"
+       %times[4] = "three times"
+       %b = $rand(5)
        %ntimes = %times[%b]
-       
+
        %location[0] = "in the room,"
        %location[1] = "in the desert,"
        %location[2] = "in the dungeon,"
-       %location[3] = "in the channel,"
-       %c = $rand(3)
+       %location[3] = "in the IRC channel,"
+       %location[4] = "on an asteroid"
+       %location[5] = "on an alien planet"
+       %c = $rand(5)
        %vlocation = %location[%c]
-       
+
        %where[0] = "around"
        %where[1] = "everywhere"
        %where[2] = "at chanserv's feet"
        %where[3] = "at nickserv's feet"
        %where[4] = "at the altar of krull"
-       %d = $rand(4)
+       %where[5] = "inside a active volcano"
+       %where[6] = "at some undisclosed location"
+       %d = $rand(6)
        %vwhere = %where[%d]
-       
+
        %with[0] = "with"
-       %with[1] = "and forces $0 to eat"
-       %with[2] = "and forces $0 to stare at"
-       %with[3] = "and $0 eats"
-       %e = $rand(3)
+       %with[1] = "and forces %nick to eat"
+       %with[2] = "while %nick is forced to stare at"
+       %with[3] = "while %nick eats"
+       %with[4] = "and %nick has nightmares about"
+       %with[5] = "while some alien zaps %nick with"
+       %e = $rand(5)
        %vwith = %with[%e]
-       
+
        %slap[0]  = "a large wild salmon!"
        %slap[1]  = "10K lines of source code!"
        %slap[2]  = "a bag of dirty laundry!"
        %slap[3]  = "a flying cow!"
        %slap[4]  = "some apt-get commands!"
        %slap[5]  = "a wet, smelly, hairy and sloppy old vagina!"
-       %slap[6]  = "a flying pig!"
-       %slap[7]  = "a self deprecating wise crack!"
+       %slap[6]  = "a super flying pig!"
+       %slap[7]  = "Hasselhoff's sweaty swimming trunks!"
        %slap[8]  = "a pile of primordial gue!"
        %slap[9]  = "a box of Corn Flakes!"
        %slap[10] = "some really smelly shoes!"
@@ -58,38 +74,45 @@ alias(slap)
        %slap[13] = "a long pole!"
        %slap[14] = "a ping-pong paddle!"
        %slap[15] = "a cardboard cut-out of Chuck Norris!"
-       %slap[16] = "some nails in a chalkboard!"
+       %slap[16] = "some internet troll!"
        %slap[17] = "an apple product!"
        %slap[18] = "a talking duck!"
        %slap[19] = "a wasps nest!"
        %slap[20] = "a zombies rotting brains!"
        %slap[21] = "some annoying movie quotes!"
        %slap[22] = "a wire coat hanger!"
-       %slap[23] = "some disgusting alien food!"
-       %slap[24] = "a dozen live whole squids!"
-       %f = $rand(24)
+       %slap[23] = "some live and wriggling alien food!"
+       %slap[24] = "a dozen live squids!"
+       %slap[25] = "a horde of zombies vampires!"
+       %slap[26] = "a soft and cute kitten!"
+       %slap[27] = "%nick's own arm!"
+       %slap[28] = "a Klingon disruptor!"
+       %slap[29] = "some monkey's feces!"
+       %slap[30] = "a cast iron frying pan!"
+       %f = $rand(30)
        %vslap = %slap[%f]
-                
+
        if(($window.type == "query") && (%nick == ""))
        {
                %nick = $window.caption 
                %nick = $str.lefttofirst(%nick,"[")
                %nick = $str.stripright(%nick)
        }
-       
+
        if(!$0)
        {
-               echo $tr("Usage:","defscript") "%name - v$b%version$b"
+               echo $tr("Usage: %name - v%version")
                echo "    /slap <nick>"
-               echo "    /slap version"
+               echo "    /slap self"
                halt
        }
-       
-       if ($0 == version)
-       {
-               echo %name - v$b%version$b \n%boast
+
+       if($0 == self)
+       {       
+               me %vaction %nick %ntimes %vwhere %vlocation %vwith %vslap
+               unset %nick
                halt
        }
        else
                me %vaction %nick %ntimes %vwhere %vlocation %vwith %vslap
-}
+}
\ No newline at end of file