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212380e3 1
2The Tao of Internet Relay Chat
3Copyright (C) Ove Ruben R Olsen 1994
4Version of 940110
5Contributing masters: Master ScottM
6
7-----
8Something is formed by the electrons, born in the silent cable. Shaping
9and growing and ungrowing. It is there yet not there. It is the source of
10Internet Relay Chat. I do not know the name, thus I will call it the Tao
11of Internet Relay Chat.
12
13If the Tao is great, then the IRC is running ceaselessly. If the IRC is
14great then the server is running without ever stoping. If the server is
15great then the client will always be the server. The luser is then pleased
16and there is Chat in the world.
17
18The Tao of IRC squits far away and connects on returning.
19
20
21-----
22The genetic potential of birth, a lot to know, yet unknown.
23
24In the begining there was nothing.
25
26Out of nothing the Tao gave birth to tolsun.oulu.fi. tolsun gave birth to
27OuluBox.
28
29OuluBox gave birth to rmsg.
30
31rmsg was not Tao, so MUT gave birth to IRC.
32
33No one knows when IRC came into existance, the mighty master WiZ have it
34to be at the end of the eight month in the year of the Dragon.
35
36
37-----
38Each channel has its purpose, however humble. Each channel is the Yin and
39Yang of IRC. Each channels has it's place within the IRC.
40
41In the beginning there was only channel 0, thus channel 0 is the soil of
42IRC.
43
44Channel 1 to channel 10 then was open as the sea. Channel 11 to 999 was the
45trees and forests of IRC. Channels above 999 should not be mentioned, and
46channels below 0 were unborn and contained many secrets.
47
48This was not the right Tao, so IRC gave birth to +channels.
49
50+channels had the yin and yang. Mode does not.
51
52This was not the right Tao still, so IRC gave birth to #channels.
53
54#channels have the yin and yang.
55
56Only channel 0 is the right path to Tao, but avoid speaking on channel 0.
57
58
59-----
60There was a great dispute among the Broom-Walkers of the Relay. Some of them
61wanted neither yin nor yang. Out of this Eris came into existance. Some of the
62Broom-Walkers then created Eris Free-net.
63
64This was the right Tao.
65
66Kind Gentle and Boring Net was another wrong path to the Tao of Internet Relay
67Chat.
68
69Some time later there was a quantity of some lusers who wanted to be
70Broom-Walkers also. The Eris Free Broom-Walkers did not agree with them,
71thus a new IRC was born. This IRC is called the Undernet.
72
73But this is not the right Tao, either.
74
75
76-----
77There will always be disputes among the Broom-Walkers of Internet Relay Chat.
78
79This is the very nature of the IRC.
80
81
82-----
83Lusers that do not understand the Tao is always using the yang of Mode on
84their channels. Lusers that do understand the Tao are always using Ignore
85on their channels.
86
87How could this not be so ?
88
89
90-----
91The wise sage luser is told about the Chat and uses it. The luser is told
92about the IRC and is looking for it. The flock are told about the Tao and
93make a fool of the IRC.
94
95If there was no laughter, there would be no Tao.
96
97
98-----
99The master says:
100"Without the Tao of Internet Relay Chat, life becomes meaningless."
101
102The Relay of the old time was mysterious and sacred. We can neither imagine
103its thoughts nor path; we are left but to describe.
104
105
106-----
107The sage luser must be aware like a frog crossing the highway.
108
109
110-----
111The great master Wumpus once dreamed that he was an automaton. When he awoke
112he exclaimed:
113 "I don't know whether I am Wumpus dreaming that I am a client,
114 or a client dreaming that I am Wumpus!"
115
116So was the first Automata born.
117
118The master Nap then said:
119 "Any automata should not speak unless spoken to.
120 Any automata shall only whisper when spoken to."
121
122Thus replied the master Gnarfer:
123 "The lusers shall keep in mind that a automata can be either good or
124 bad. Create good automata, and the IRC will hail you and you will
125 gain fame and fortune. Create bad automata and people will start to
126 hate you, and finaly you will be /KILLed to ethernal damnation"
127
128Many lusers have fallen into the clutches of ethernal damnation. They where
129not following the Tao.
130
131
132-----
133There once was a luser who went to #BotSex. Each day he saw the automatons.
134The luser decided that he also would have such a automata.
135He asked another luser for his automata. The other luser gave his automata
136away.
137
138The luser was not within the Tao, so he just started the automata. The automata
139had only Yang inside so all the lusers files where deleted.
140
141Some moons laither the same luser then had become a sage luser, and did create
142his automata from the very grounds with materials found inside the IRC.
143The luser was now within the Tao and his automata lived happily ever after.
144
145
146-----
147There once was a master who wrote automatons without the help of master Phone.
148A novice luser, seeking to imitate him, began with the help of master Phone.
149When the novice luser asked the master to evaluate his automata the master
150replied: "What is a working automata for the master is not for the luser.
151You must must BE the IRC before automating."
152
153
154-----
155Master BigCheese gave birth to master Troy; his duty clear. Master Troy gave
156birth to master Phone, for the Tao of Irc must be eternal and must flow as the
157ceaseless river of Time itself.
158
159
160-----
161Master Phone once said about the ircII client:
162 "public_msg is for a message from someone NOT on the channel
163 public_other is for a message on a channel that doesn't belong to
164 a window. public is for a message on a channel that belongs to a
165 window!"
166
167Out of this raised the mighty chaos.
168
169
170-----
171The sage luser came to the master who wrote automata without the help of
172master Phone. The sage luser asked the master who wrote automata: "Which is
173easiest to make. A automata with the help of master Phone or an automata
174made with the help of a language ?"
175
176The master who wrote automata then replied:
177 "With the help of a language."
178
179The sage luser was disapointed and exclaimed: "But, with master Phone you
180do not need to know anything about the soil of IRC. Is not that the easiet
181way ?"
182
183"Not really" said the master who wrote automata, "when using master Phone
184you are closed inside a box. For sure, it is a great box for the lusers,
185but the master will need more power, thus a language is the only path to go.
186With the language the master will never have to limit himself. When using
187such a language the master will seek the best between the need and the
188availibility."
189
190"I see", said the sage luser.
191
192This is the essence of Tao of IRC automatas.
193
194
195-----
196A client should be light and be used for communication. The spirit of a good
197client is that it should be very convinient for the luser to use, but hard
198for the luser who want to create automata.
199There should never ever be too many functions or too few functions.
200
201There should always be a ignore.
202
203Without ignore the client is not within the Tao of Chating.
204
205The client should always respond the luser with messages that will not
206astnonish him too much. The server likewise. If the server does not, then it
207is the clients job to explain what the server says.
208
209A client which fails this, will be useless and cause confusion for the lusers.
210The only way to correct this is to use another client or to write a new one.
211
212
213-----
214A luser asked the masters on #IrcHelp: "My client does not work".
215The masters replied: "Upgrade your client".
216The luser then wondered why the master knew. The master then told him about
217the Protocol.
218
219"Your client does not work beaucse it does not understand the server. Why
220should it always work ? Only a fool would expect such. But, clients are made
221by humans, and humans are not perfect. Only Tao is.
222
223The IRC is solid. The IRC is floating, and will always be dynamic. Live with
224that or /quit."
225
226
227-----
228The luser came to the masters of #IrcHelp, asking about the Tao of IRC within
229the client.
230The masters then said that the Tao of IRC always lies inside the client
231regardless of how the client connects to the server.
232
233"Is the Tao in irc ?" asked the luser.
234"It so is" replied the masters of #IrcHelp.
235"Is the Tao in the ircII, Kiwi, rxirc, vms, rockers and msa ?" asked the
236luser.
237"In all of them and in the TPC, irchat, zenirc, zircon X11-irc and even the
238dos irc has the Tao" said the master quietly.
239"Is the Tao in a telnet connection directly to the server ?"
240
241The master then was quiet for a long time and said. "Please leave, such
242questions are not within the Tao of IRC".
243
244
245-----
246The master says: "Without the Protocol of TCP the messages will not travel.
247 Without the client, the server is useless."
248
249
250-----
251There once was a luser who used the ircII client. "ircII can do anything I
252ever need for using IRC" said the emacs client user, "I have /ON's, I have
253assignments, I have aliasing. Why don't you use this instead of the huge
254emacs client, which also has a messy screen?"
255The emacs client user then replied by saying that "it is better to have a
256scripting language that is the client instead of have a client that has
257a scripting language." Upon hearing this, the ircII client luser fell silent.
258
259
260-----
261The master Wumpus said: "Time for you to leave. I did, now I'm happy."
262The master Gnarfer replied: "Use, but never overuse IRC, then you will also
263be happy within IRC"
264
265
266-----
267A luser came unto the masters of #EU-Opers and asked, "How can I be, yet not
268be, a user@host within the IRC?"
269The masters of #EU-Opers replied: "To be Tao is to be ones true self. To hide
270ones self is not Tao, and is not IRC, you have much to learn before you shall
271be at rest within the Flow of Irc. Please leave"
272